"You Might Be A Road Cruiser If....."
from
multiple SHHS members
on
August 15, 2000
View comments about this article!
You might be a road cruiser...
....if you've been driving all day and all night, but when you look at the odometer you've gone only 32 miles.
....if you've ever pried a paper thin rattlesnake from the asphalt with tears in your eyes.
.... if you've driven all day and all night with the car radio off and you just realized it.
.... if when driving, "stop and stretch" actually means "Hurry up and whiz already!" to you.
....if you know the back roads better than the county locals.
....if you've ever gotten a ticket for going 15 mph in a 55 mph zone.
....if you choose your rental cars according to their "getting-stuck" potential.
....if you return all rentals after dark and after hours, if possible. If not possible, then you must spend 4 hours making the car acceptable to return.
....if your 4 food groups consist of Penrose sausage, Pork Skins, Cheeze Whiz, and Mello Yellow.
....if 7 a.m. and 7 p.m. are you're favorite times of the day.
....if you keep slowing for the same road kill.
....if for your anniversary you pick up a bucket of chicken and take your wife out on the road.
.... if for your next anniversary you get your wife her own snake hook.
....if potheads think you drive slow.
....if your kids find out at school that family night doesn't always mean dark roads and flashlights.
....if you've spent months in search of the "best roads" to get your wife to the hospital to deliver the baby.
.... if you change your brakes more often than your oil.
....if you would rather try to explain to military police that your snake hook is not a weapon than to be caught without it.
....if your pick-up truck involuntarily screeches to a halt when someone has left their water hose laying on the lawn.
....if your car rattles.......even when it's stopped.
....if your vehicle's hood and roof have dents that are precisely the size and shape of your herping partners' butts.
....if your floor mats are covered with brown stains as a result of the bad combination of sudden stops & hot coffee.
....if a roadkilled herp has ever made you hit your brakes while you were in a funeral procession.
....if you can differentiate a dead opossum from a dead raccoon from a mile away.
....if your spouse experiences a mysterious lack of behind-the-wheel time.
....if old people with thick glasses laugh at you for driving so close to the steering wheel.
....if you've ever stopped your car and got out on Alligator Alley at night without having car trouble.
....if your gunrack only has snake tongs and snake hooks.
....if you've ever considered letting an obnoxious deputy search your car without telling him WHY you were driving so slow.
....if the population of escaped reptiles in your car can subsist entirely on the population of escaped rodents.
....if you've been rear ended in a 35 mph zone........seven times.
....if old ladies flip you off when they finally get a chance to pass.
....if your favorite roads to ride on are the ones that the D.O.T. hasn't visited in years.
...if you've ever taken 3 days to drive through Georgia.
....if you've almost been hit by an 18 wheeler trying to save a fanbelt.
....if you've asked a cop in your best Cheech and Chong voice "Was I speeding officer?"
....if you've jumped from a moving vehicle more than once.
....if hitchhikers wave you on by.
....if bugs have plenty of time to get out of your way.
....if the DEA has ever swarmed your car on a country backroad.
....if you ride on dusty roads and don't make dust.
....Interstate ??? We don't need no stinking Interstate !!!
|
might be a road crusier if...
|
Reply
|
|
by 2-step on March 27, 2001
|
Mail this to a friend!
|
|
also,if you have a f-350 radiator and cooling fans,in six cylinder ford ranger.
|
| |
|
""You Might Be A Road Cruiser If.....&qu
|
Reply
|
|
by ReptileHobbyist on August 14, 2001
|
Mail this to a friend!
|
You have your Dad stop the truck, and run back 200 ft so you can get that Mountain Kingsnake that turns out to be a damn bungie cord.
You stop because some idiot in your club thought it would be funny and took white chalk and marked the side of the road to look like a Cal. Kingsnake.
You find yourself cussing out that vechicle in front of you for running over the only snake you see all night.
You find yourself calling anyone who travels over 40 m.p.h. a snake killer.
You hang your head out the window and catch bugs in your mouth looking for snakes.
You find yourself out the door of your truck before it has time to come to a full stop.
|
| |
|
cruising the interstates
|
Reply
|
|
by coils on March 13, 2002
|
Mail this to a friend!
|
|
...if, while having to travel across the state or the country, you still can't stop checking the shoulders at speed - all night long.
|
| |
|
|
Reply
|
|
by koror on May 6, 2002
|
Mail this to a friend!
|
You would not have found it as amusing if it had been your frog that the swarm of military police had confiscated.
Just carry a golf club don't even try to explain a snake hook to military police
In retrospect I must be something of a slow learner because I also attracted a half dozen vehicle loads the time I stopped on a dirt road about ten miles from the main post. Try explaining that you thought that everyone stopped for dead bats. Fortunately the one that said "Dead Bat, Yea Sure" found it lying on the ground between his feet.
I got to keep the bat but lost on the frog. Go figure.
|
| |
|
"FORE!"
|
Reply
|
|
by serpentinespirit on July 7, 2002
|
Mail this to a friend!
|
|
"If you take up golf just to save em from the other idiot golfers, besides you like the way the snakehook looks in yer club caddy! Matter of fact, all you got are diff size hooks and no drivers!"
|
| |
|
RE: "FORE!"
|
Reply
|
|
by BGF on March 5, 2003
|
Mail this to a friend!
|
You might be a roadcruiser if 'despite not being able to balance a checkbook to save your life, you can look at the herp, the oncoming semi, do the calculus and instantly know 'yeah, I can do it''.
;-)
|
| |
|
RE: ""You Might Be A Road Cruiser If....
|
Reply
|
|
by snakechic on June 12, 2006
|
Mail this to a friend!
|
I thought that was great....
You have your Dad stop the truck, and run back 200 ft so you can get that Mountain Kingsnake that turns out to be a damn bungie cord.
I think that we can all say we have done that more than once.
|
| |
|
