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Just another day removing snakes!
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by Ptk on April 16, 2014
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Mail this to a friend!
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Sad just how accurate this really is!!
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<lady> Woke up to find a snake in her kitchen
<phone rings>
<man answers> "Hello Snakes R Us!"
<lady> "Great you're there, please come quick I have a snake coming into my house through the back door".
<man> "What's the address?".
<lady> "342 Sycamore Lane. AHHHH! Its starting to rattle at me, what should I do?!"
<man> "Stay calm dispatching a remover now".
<lady>: (Too scared to stay inside the house with the snake, the lady puts on her house coat and slippers and goes outside to wait.)
<remover> Arrives to find a lady frantically waving at him.
<lady> "It's in there, it's in there" (pointing to the house).
<remover> "ok let me just get some equipment from the back of my van"
<lady> "oooh what's that? Do I need one of those?"
<remover> "it's a snake hook ma'am"
<lady> "and what do you do with that?"
<remover> "catch... the snake"
<lady> "and what are those?"
<remover> "snake tongs"
<lady> "I love you, are you married?"
<remover> "um.....nooooo"
<lady> "We could get married today!"
<remover> "I don't even know you!!"
<lady> "Sure you do. You have been here for 5 minutes and you already knew exactly what I needed."
<lady> "You're not going to hurt the snake are you?"
<remover> "no, ma'am we don't do that".
<lady> "You must be a really caring person then."
<remover> "Why don't you just show me where you last saw the snake."
*** remover follows lady inside house and into the kitchen ***
<lady> "It was right there, there by the back door."
<remover> (not seeing a snake anywhere begins to look around the kitchen) "Maybe the snake crawled under the table". (remover bends down to look under the table)
<lady> (squeezes the remover's buttocks).
<remover> (backing up rapidly from under the table) "Bloody HELL!"
<lady> "You should really think about my proposal."
<remover> "Look... I am flattered but really not interested." "Can I just do my job and get back to work?"
<lady> "How much is this going to cost me?"
<remover> "Snake removals are $27"
<lady> "You must love me to charge me only $27, nothing ever cost exactly $27." "Are you just playing hard to get?"
<remover> "MA'am just show me where the snake is or I am going to have to leave!!"
<lady> (grabs the removers keys hanging from his pocket) "Can't go anywhere without these" (now twirling his keys on her finger)
<remover> "WHAT the ......!! Damn it, now give me back my keys or I am calling the police!!"
<lady> "Too late, I already call them."
<remover> "WHAT, when??"
<lady> "Before you got here." "I thought it might go down this way, so I told them I was alone in the house when a strange man broken in and attacked me with a hook"
(in a last ditch effort to convince the remover of what he was missing - the lady throws her robe at him displaying all her goodies) "If you want your keys come and get them" (lady dashes out of the room with a coy smile).
(Police - arrive on the scene to witness a nude lady exiting her home screaming with an angry man chasing her with a hook in one hand and a females robe in the other)
(remover is arrested with EXTREME prejudice)
<lady> thinking to herself: "I know he will come around if he had some time alone to think about it" (so she presses charges against him and visits him in prison) "It seems to be working because he can't seem to wait to see me, rushing across the room and banging on the glass." "By the time I am ready to leave he is usually sobbing quietly covering his face, I can just tell how badly he really misses me".
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